Resolution? Oxymoron

Almost everyone has something they would like to change about themselves.  The first of the year seems like a neat and tidy time to correct course – begin anew working at having our behavior reflect the kind of person we know we are in our hearts.  

Did you ever stop to think about how truly crazy it is that we could ever be unable to  get ourselves to do or stop doing something?  We’re in a dysfunctional relationship with ourselves!  Life can be pretty disquieting when we can’t even get ourselves to meet our own needs and desires – forget about adding anyone else into the picture!

This discomfort or dis-ease sends us to the drawing board intensifying our efforts to control our own behavior.  It is exhausting, if not demoralizing.  We set goals, list intentions, repeat affirmations and make resolutions.  It feels like we are strapping on a girdle for a very good reason…we are!  A girdle is  uncomfortable and only masks the problem. This is also the case  with resolutions.

When we make a resolution we are setting out to re-solve our problem.  This is an oxymoron.  How does one re-solve anything?  The solution is the solution.  That’s it…problem solved.  There is no need to go back a revisit a problem that has been solved.  In fact, that is only asking for trouble.

If you find yourself making a resolution, be aware that you are trying to fix the result and not the cause.  If you have a leaky basement (metaphor – cracks in your foundation), you would be a fool to continually shop-vac after every storm without finding the cause of the trouble.  So, too, with self-defeating behaviors like smoking, over-eating, shopping, drinking, gossiping, etc.

Take all of the work out of changing by simply becoming aware.  Pay attention to all of your thoughts and feelings surrounding a “relapse.”  Be thorough about this and you will discover that the  emotion, which sponsored the behavior, was not so unbearable to experience.  Paradoxically, when you admit the feeling – it is released and so is the behavior that you used to mask it. In essence, you have accepted this about yourself, which takes all the power out of it and your need for escape is gone as well.

Let it all in to release it.  That which you resist, will persist.
I know it works.  I have done this with some behaviors I never thought I could stop.

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