Hold the Vision

One of my clients has a daughter who serves as a barometer for his well-being.

He came to me for guidance handling the emotional stress of divorce, being a single dad and new fiscal challenges.  He was high on a potent cocktail of resentment and fear.   When we met, he was stuck in a chain of pain that seemed as if it was manifest in his daughter. His relationship with his daughter has made my job very easy!  She was like my Cliff Notes.  Once he described what was ‘wrong’ with her, I knew how to help him arrive at his solution.  Like clockwork, when his daughter acted out, he reacted  impulsively with feelings of anger and even rage.  Then he felt engulfed by remorse for his behavior.  He told me how much he loved his daughter and didn’t want to hurt her, but….. he was just so afraid that she would end up like her mother!  Having heard about some of his former wife’s antics, I certainly understood why he hoped for something different for his daughter.  I also clearly saw why some of his daughter’s behavior would remind him of her mother and trigger his fear.  Luckily, it was easy for him to see that saying things like, “You’re just like your mother!” would not help his daughter to blossom into a woman of substance, especially since she was aware of his disdain for her mother.  But nothing was working.  He could not issue enough consequences or express enough disapproval or launch enough warning flares to get her to change.  Thank goodness.

Because of his failure to effect a change in his daughter after having exhausted every option he could imagine, by the time he came to me, he was teachable.  I explained to him H.O.W. I surmised in less than 3 minutes that he that he will have the relationship of his dreams with his daughter.  From the moment we first spoke, he was Honest, Open and Willing.  If one of those components was missing he would have had to cycle back through his pain-driven chain-reactions until he was ready to  let go.

H.O.W. can you spot a winner? They are Honest, Open and Willing.  Denial is a valuable tool of the human psyche.  It protects us when we could be overwhelmed by circumstances.  However, it will also destroy us if we are not willing to face it when it is no longer serving us.  How will you know if you are stuck in denial?  You will get repeated unpleasant feedback from your environment.  This is our inner guidance system at work letting us know it is time for another growth spurt.  Getting honest with ourselves and others allows us to change for the better…evolve.  However, honesty alone is not enough.  Openness to new ways of thinking and acting is a need for intentional change.  I like the expression, “My best thinking got me here.”   Until you are open to see that your way of processing events is no longer working for you, you will keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results.  Lastly, winners are willing to change.  They don’t feel like a failure when their way didn’t work.  They are excited to find and try a different way of thinking or acting that will give them what they want.  You will know they are willing by their actions.  There is no other way to show willingness.  Period.

Coming to me, who another one of my clients calls her tormentor,  as you process another of life’s growth opportunities, is almost a guarantee that you know H.O.W. it works!  I say that in humility and with a big smile on my face because I know that just showing up to hear me say, “You are the problem'” is an act of willingness!   Someone once told me that he hated me for more than a year because I wrote on a 3×5 card “I AM THE PROBLEM,” and told him to tape it to his mirror.  But, he never forgot it.  And, he knew that my motives were pure and helpful.  So, gradually he became open to try to understand what I meant.  That is when he realized that if he is the problem, then he is also the solution!.  Oprah calls that an “Aha moment.”  In the case of my client with the daughter issues, when he understood his role in real-izing her ‘flaws,’  his behavior changed immediately.   I showed him how to define the exact nature of his objections.  Once he identified the problem in her, I directed him within asking, “How is this a mirror of you?”  He began to notice that if he didn’t  do what was necessary to take care of himself with loving compassion, his daughter would show risky behavior.  If he was too hard on himself, she may have a cutting relapse.  If he was being judgmental or resentful, she would judge him, resent his ‘flaws,’ and ignore him for weeks.

Realizing that she is a reflection of his spiritual fitness, he  began to change his behavior with her and made great changes with his internal dialogue. Of course he had his moments of  ‘two-steps forward and one step backward,’ but that is life.  No one ever gets through life without what they perceive as a misstep.  When we are honest about the events that came before a little slip backwards, we prevent a mindless slide back into that powerless chain of pain.  Honesty allows us to correct course. Every so-called step backwards can serve as the catalyst to move us even further forward…. if we don’t stare at it and blow it out of proportion.

Meditation is a microcosm of life – as well access to pure awareness of the Source of life.  In a meditative retreat our awareness of the stimulus of life slips  to the silence of pure Source awareness.  We come out of  silent Source awareness feeling refreshed and ready for anything.  The brief retreats in life that we call setbacks, give us the fuel or motivation for forward motion.  The ancients liken it to an archer pulling back on his bow with the arrow.  That retreat gives the arrow all the dynamism for its flight.  Lamenting losses , missteps, etc. is like trying to shoot an arrow without the tension of backwards motion.

Demonstrating great skill with one of my favorite tools, the mirror of life and relationship, my client began to see major changes in his relationship with his daughter.  In time, he actually saw major changes in her.  He began to notice that the connection between his attitude and his experiences ran deep indeed.  When he assumed responsibility and gained response-ability for his experiences, he stopped all blame. When  his daughter dented their expensive car, he conveyed his relief and gratitude that his priceless daughter wasn’t damaged.  In the past she may not have been hurt in the car accident but the invisible damage her father would have caused by overreacting would have affected her indefinitely.  Instead, he gave her a huge hug and helped her come up with a plan to pay for the damages  – resisting his impulse to take care of everything himself.  He gave her the ability to assume responsibility for the events of her life!  The pain in her pocketbook was a small price to pay for the empowerment she received by her father’s respect. His compassionate, tempered response felt like trust to his daughter, which is quite different from approval for doing  the ‘right’ way  or being ‘good enough.’

That wasn’t the last time she did something that would have made his head spin in the past.  In fact, a few events followed that I am not sure I would have been able to handle without a lot of  fear and some regrettable behavior.  But, he held the vision. He used Joel Osteen’s trick:  When someone we love misbehaves, instead of  highlighting or inflaming the situation by rehashing and shaming, simply accept what happened and then silently say, “Subject to change!”  Then quickly get back to your vision of this person at their best.  Refuse to dwell anywhere else.  This loving dad did just that in the face of some very trying situations. I remember being in awe of his growth and humbled by his devotion.   Before I could catch my breath he began regaling me with the most joyous stories of her transformation.  Because of his unconditional love and acceptance, she began to feel worthy.  She started to take better care of herself.  She acted with poise and dignity.  She was beginning to impress and humble him as he had done with me.  I have the greatest job I can imagine!

POST MAYAN CALENDAR MISINTERPRETATION MESS

THE END OF THE WORLD

THE END OF THE WORLD

The end of the world is an oxymoron.  How can something end, if it never began?  What has  been ending is our belief  in matter.  In Sanskrit the term “Maya” means illusion. The end of the Mayan calendar is the end of the illusion of the world − the end of the illusion of time and space. We already know and have known for thousands of years that matter does not exist. What we believe is solid is actually energy and information vibrating at the speed of light. Our nervous system cannot process data at this speed; so it gives us an illusory experience much like the way films make a series of still frames seem like fluid movement. We have also known that there is no such thing as time. All we have is the present; everything else exists in our imagination only.

What we experience as the world is an illusion, a trick of the senses.

In our lifetime the prevailing languages of this phenomenon are science and technology. The knowledge underlying both paradigms also underlies the languages of art, religion, philosophy and love. It also underlies language itself, which is why I am so fascinated by etymology. The scientific and technological paradigms are so exciting and beneficial to our human experience…provided we don’t allow them to enable the ‘lie’ and become dependent on them. We must understand the implications of the fundamental knowledge underlying every paradigm – especially now after the end of the Mayan Calendar.

What comes after the end?

After the end is the realization of eternity. The end of the Mayan calendar is the beginning of awareness of oneself as an eternal present moment experiencer. We stop identifying ourselves with our experiences and the objects of our perception. We begin to understand matter as movement of energy and information on the screen of our imagination. This is like snapping out of terror, anxiety or deep sadness as we watch a movie and remember that this is only a projection; we regain peace of mind because we know we have a choice.  We can leave the theater, change the film, or ride it out to see what happens.  We remember that we are there for our enjoyment. In our personal lives we begin to relax in the knowledge that what we call “reality” is a projection of our consciousness as a result of our focusing with such intensity that its density now appears to us if it is in formation.

We must stay present to avoid being tricked into the belief that what is “out there” is happening to us or has any power over us. When we are present, we see ourselves focusing everything into existence. When we are present, we know if we are choosing a constructive or destructive focus. When we are present, we know we can arbitrarily choose a different perspective or interpretation that feels better, more loving, empowered, and aligned with us. We can choose to respond to an insult with compassion instead of reacting with more toxicity. That tiny shift chosen from the position of present moment power – free from the powerless enslavement of past conditioning – empowers us to create a different experience that will have a strong foundation. Therefore, when we are present, the outcome is not in doubt. Ultimately then, when we are in the present, we are not afraid; we lose interest in controlling outcomes or people. We also know that no person, place, circumstance or thing has any control over us.

For people who have learned to let go of any false power (titles, positions, degrees, wealth) and joyously step into true Power, this will be a miraculous transition. We don’t give up the titles, or the positions, degrees or wealth. We just give up the illusion of their power to give us what we want. Rather, we have all of those things as a result our demonstration of true Power, which affords us authentic, joyful focus in the present moment…eternally. For those who cannot or will not apply this to their daily living, this could be a bumpy ride.

Henry Reed describes the different approaches as a choice to experience the shift as rapture or rupture. I love that.

Science and technology gave us the Internet as a result of this knowledge that everything is energy and information coming from one source that is accessible from any and every pinpoint of space and time. The invisible interconnected web of existence that had been inaccessible to the majority of humanity arose in physical form via a computer that mimicked it. We simply focus the computer according to what we want to experience and… voila! It is crucial to understand that this knowledge of the Truth of Oneness is what gave birth to the idea of the Internet. At this time when the illusion of form and separation are breaking down, we need a clear understanding of our own ability to tap into and create from this same source. We also have instant access to this seemingly miraculous, instantaneous information and power. Unlike a computer, we can originate. We can choose what we will experience with and without a computer. The miracle of this awakening is the understanding that if we shift our focus, we shift our experience. We can look at the same person, place, thing or experience with a different perspective. This will change the energy and information of what we are experiencing and its nature must change as well, as if we are photoshopping our experiences.

Please understand that in this post Mayan Calendar atmosphere, this seemingly subtle nuance will have cataclysmic impact on your future.  The intangible shift from perceiving reality as something that happens to you to from you, opens the path to joy, freedom and pure rapture as  you navigate what might  seem like rupture or destruction to  those who have depended on  the old paradigm.  If you don’t see the impact of your perceptions, you are not paying close enough attention. Termites do more damage annually than all natural disasters combined. When a butterfly flaps its wings as it flies in an area off the tip of Africa….

Tune in later in the week for some clear examples of how the shift is experienced as rapture or rupture as well as important tools to make choosing rapture effortless…

NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES

all-all-you-need-is-love-love-need-you-Favim.com-251875

Important to remember that railing against what you don’t want attracts more of what you don’t want.

Digging up old memories of similar situations is why history repeats itself.

 

BE THE CHANGE. NOW.

NASH FLASH

THE DAILY MANDALA by Henry Reed

RE-MEMBER 

re+member = re-join, re-connect (i.e. sign-up)

“Always remember.”  Really?  Why?

Be certain you want to keep revisiting a memory – the energy the memory evokes is an electromagnetic attractor field.  If you cannot visit a memory without becoming sad, bitter or anxious…why would you want to attract more of it?

ATTENTION! Differentiate EOS from IGS

Our Emotional Operating System (EOS) is not the same as our Inner Guidance System (IGS). But, the two systems work so similarly that they are easy to confuse.

  • Emotions get our attention. They offer sensations of constriction or expansion in varying degrees of intensity according to the level of congruence between our attitude and our intention. Someone who laments having no friends may begin to feel lonely. The discomfort of loneliness indicates the futility of their attention to what is going wrong. A shift of attention to the solution and how it will feel elevates their mood and magnetism enabling them to attract what they seek.
  • Our IGS gives us access to deeper Truths beyond our preferences and conditioning. It also uses sensations of expansion and constriction to communicate with us. However, the expansive sensation associated with the peace of Truth has no vibration at all. There is no mistaking the Truth when we you feel it…Ironically what you are feeling is nothing!  However fleeting, it is a calm amid the turbulence of life caused by our attachments.

It is possible to feel the expansion of Truth and the constriction of emotional pain associated with accepting that Truth at the same time. For example, a parent might reach a sense of ‘rightness’ about weaning their child. They may know that the time has come when it is not in their child’s best interest for mom or dad to intervene, provide funds or solve a dilemma. At the same time, the parent may feel sad that the child is growing up and leaving the nest or the parent may feel anxious about trusting the outcome to the child.

To live the life of our dreams, we have two simple (not necessarily easy!) guidelines to follow:

  1. The constriction of emotional pain never trumps the expansion of peace from our Truth.
  2. Likewise, the expansive feeling from emotional pleasure never trumps a subtle constriction that may arise when we pay attention to our IGS warning us to come back into integrity. Too often we detect the fleeting tug and dismiss it in favor of the deliciousness of pleasure.  Later we palm our foreheads wondering, “Why didn’t I listen to myself?!”

The presence of Truth cannot be identified in the midst of mental chatter or emotional turbulence. To maintain our course we need to go below the surface. As needed, we allow ourselves to admit and process our emotions, fully accepting how we feel as a result of our preferences, interpretations and conditioning. Then we can release them. This enables us to get access to the perfection of our Inner Guidance System.

If we pay close attention, it is very easy to recognize Truth. It does not feel good or bad. It is still. It is open. It is expansive. It just is. We may not like it, but it is there plain as day. There is no mistaking it. This “still, small voice” is the only arbiter of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ – and it is unique to each of us. The guidance is telling us what is life affirming or debilitating. It tells us what works and doesn’t work for each one of us on a case-by-case and moment-to-basis. It tells us when our thought, word or deed or that of another is constructive or destructive for us. It is able to recognize the deception hidden in the temporary expansive feeling of emotional highs from escape mechanisms or ‘getting our way.’

Although we associate accessing Truth with stillness, it does not mean we live life in neutral. It means we process our feelings as they happen and let both the highs and lows pass in river of life. We don’t fear the waters that come or chase the waters that pass. We embrace emotions that get stuck so we can do the work to release anything that may cause coagulation and toxicity. The stillness of Truth is one of non-resistance, openness, release and surrender. We know that if the water stays still…we are dead!

NASH FLASH

THE DAILY MANDALA by Henry Reed           

INSIGHT

is the software for one who knows the observable world that each one of us experiences  (‘outsight‘) is the result of our prolonged, habitual focus and the quality of that attention.

Our constructive or destructive interpretation of what we experience determines what follows for us.    

ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE AWAKE?

Sleepwalking

When we are not living consciously we run the risk of making choices that we don’t realize are choices – on autopilot.  We become victims of our own conditioning.  Unconscious living makes us susceptible to making choices for the wrong reasons – without checking our motives.  Exhaustive research reveals that about 96% of humanity does not even realize that this is an issue, which is to say that 96% of humanity is sleepwalking.  Fewer realize that present moment conscious awareness is the single most important factor of success in life – whatever success means to each of us.  Our lives are enjoyable and rewarding to extent that we are present in it.  Being present means being aware in the moment as our thoughts, feelings, sensations in the body, and/or events unfold throughout our day enabling us to check-in with ourselves:

• We might ask ourselves, “Is this train of thought life-affirming, loving, in-line with my goals, worthy of me and suitable for me to share without shame?”

• We can pay attention to our IGS (my Internal Guidance System) noticing feelings of constriction or expansion within? 

• Am I acting according to what I have said and what I think?

• Is this really my thought or am I being a parrot?  

• Is this thought true?  Is it valid?  Is this a belief?  

• Do this person’s action match up with their words?  

• Does this thought or action help me or hinder my progress?  

• Why I am thinking, saying or doing this?

• Am I paying attention?  

• Am I hearing what I want to hear instead of what is really being said?  

• What was I thinking before I did this?

• Should I acknowledge what I just saw, heard, said, and/or did?

These are just a few examples of the type of insight available to one who is practicing present moment awareness.  Insight is awareness of and attention to one’s inner vision.  Insight grants us every advantage to create the life of our dreams.  Life is not happening to us.  It is happening from us.  Life is lived from the inside → out.  The observable world that each one of us experiences  (‘outsight’) is the result of our prolonged, habitual focus and the quality of that attention  – interpretation of what we are experiencing.  

When we intentionally choose our attitude each moment, and when we decide where to direct our attention & energy each moment, we choose the experiences that ensue.  People, who do not know this, keep observing and reacting to circumstances (aka: the result) with little or no sense of our responsibility for them. Unable to improve their circumstances permanently at the level of cause, they spin out in a continuous feedback loop. 

One of my clients described a scenario that illustrates this quite well.  She told me that her husband is making her crazy.  She can no longer sit with him at their son’s basketball games.  He is aggressive at best and often downright abusive.  He directs his negativity toward their son, his coach, the referees, the other players on his team, the other team, the other parents, and so on.  The tension comes home with them and has often led to family drama that continues for days.  The father is mad at the son for ‘underperforming;’ the son is mad at the father for the abuse; the wife is mad at the husband for once again disrupting the family; the husband is mad at the wife for not supporting him, etc.  

In this scenario the father keeps focusing on what the son did wrong.  The son keeps focusing on his father’s anger.  The wife keeps focusing on the pain this causing everyone.  She told me, “Yesterday, I screamed at him asking him how he could be so stupid.  Did it ever occur to him that he has done this for 13 years and it has not improved the situation one bit?  The same thing keeps happening over and over!”  I asked her if she has chastised him for as long.  She flushed.  I got my answer.  

If we keep looking at the result of negative thinking we will keep seeing things we do not like: If she could begin to change her inner dialogue to predispose her to the solution, little by little things would evolve more favorably.  If she could inspire her husband to change his perception and inner dialogue, things would have to change for the better very quickly.  The burden of stress their son carries would evaporate and his performance would be affected measurably.   All the evidence we need about stress blocking us from the zone is demonstrated for all  to see by Tiger Woods.   More importantly, the long-rage impact of support and encouragement instead of disapproval and disappointment is obvious.  

The cost of sleepwalking is devastating and the benefits of remaining alert in the present moment are so magnificent that everyone’s main goal should be learning to stay present and think constructively.